To my dearest Internet,

I write to apologize  for not telling you I love you, for not renting billboards scrawled with messages of my affection for you and not telling everyone I meet that I believe in love at first sight, because it was the first time I laid eyes on you that I knew my life would never be the same.

If you leave me I will die, and if I cannot muster the will to overcome my instinct for self preservation I will, at the very least, be totally bummed out until my end comes.

Yours Forever,

Michael